Understanding the Relational Life
What is Relational Intelligence?
Do you have what it takes to create a healthy, fulfilling relationship? Can you assess whether your partner does?
A thriving relationship can be a cornerstone of our lives, providing a sanctuary from life’s stresses, an anchor during times of trouble, and a playground for our dreams and passions. It’s worth investing energy in identifying what makes relationships thrive and in developing those abilities in yourself and your relationship.
Where have you learned your Relational Skills?
Modeled (in healthy and unhealthy ways) from parents?
Bite-sized pointers from Therapy Influencers?
Let your relational life be rich: nuanced, flexible and mature, primed for meaningful connection.
A FRAMEWORK FOR RELATIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Psychological insight, emotional regulation, and somatic awareness can each help us live life well. (I draw from all of those approaches in my clinical work). We are, however, relational beings, and our relational lives are deeply meaningful. Therefore, in my writing and clinical work, I have created a framework that pushes each of us to greater relational intelligence.
I have found that being an exceptional therapist requires the capacity to listen well, be flexible and apply insights and knowledge that fit with each person and couple. The framework for relational intelligence, therefore, is not overly structured or rigid. Instead, it uses three lenses through which to view the way we are in relationships. Briefly, these lenses are:
The Self: How well do I know myself and how to advocate for it?
The Other: How well do I understand my partner and elicit connection?
The Us: How well can we identify and shift our relational dynamics to being positive and supportive?
Within each of these domains, we can draw on vast clinical theory. For example, when we explore the Self and how we understand and support ourselves, we can apply emotional regulation skills, mindfulness, cognitive behavioral, EMDR, narrative, humanistic, psychodynamic or integrative and holistic approaches (approaches I know, don’t worry- you don’t have to).
For the Other, I can teach and model approaches that I’ve learned as a therapist and researcher to set the other person at ease and open the door for deeper communication and connection.
For the Us, we can apply couples therapy models, such as Gottman, the Developmental Model, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Relational Life Therapy to understand and improve your relational dynamic.
Again, the clinical perspective, is my realm; the lived experience is yours. Together, we identify ways to improve your relational life.